Think back
by MingleswiththePringles
Summary: Set at the end of the episode titled 'Little Star.' Jac realizes that she has made a big mistake but when she suffers a potentially fatal accident when trying to turn back, will this be the end of Jac's chances of being a mother? COMPLETE!
1. Jac and her thoughts

**_A.N This is my first fanfiction, this is a multi chapter fic, I now this chapter is a bit short but it is just to set the scene. This is set at the end of 'Little Star' which is the episode in which Jac leaves Emma with Jonny. Please Please Please read and review._**_  
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My heart was thumping in my chest, tears and mascara were slowly making their way down my cheeks, God I must have look a right state. Suddenly the belt strapped around me feels overly tight, what the hell was I doing? I was abandoning my daughter, that's what. But why? I had only lightly questioned my parenting skills before my mother rocked up, and every time every worry had faded as Emma's cheeky dimpled smile had come in to view.

I remember that now, her big emerald eyes and high cheek bones, everybody said that she was the spit of me. I think of my best moments with Emma, when she curled up into a ball on my chest and snoozes the afternoon away. Or when she guzzles milk her big eyes stare back at me, steady and beautiful.

I blink the memories away and look around me, trying to focus on something, I take note that the business cabin is around 10m long, with rows of single seating stretching down the middle and two outer sides. There is a large toilet at the front and rear of the cabin. I stop noticing things for a moment and again am lost in my thoughts. I look down at my lap. My long ginger hair tumbles past my shoulders and hangs by my face.

I think back to my pregnancy, of how I was so terrified of losing my precious baby girl. I think back to Jonny _and_ Bonnie, together. How I had been so annoyed with myself for not saying how I felt about Jonny before they had got together, before I had lost my chance. I think back to myself lying on my bed in my flat, my fingers lightly grazing the gentle curve of my stomach. As if I was scared that I would harm it. I graze my flat stomach now thinking back to the amazing feeling that I felt when Emma gave out a few light kicks. And how I had wished that me and Jonny had been together, that he could have been lying beside me with hands pressed on my stomach feeling the same excitement yet anxiety that she would not make it.

I think back to the moment that Emma had been given the all clear and being told that we, well I, could take her home. That was the happiest moment of my life . . .

**'CABIN CREW PLEASE PREPARE FOR TAKE OFF'**

I can't do this, I unbuckle my belt and reach up and grab my bag from the overhead locker.I sprint towards the door as I see them begin to close the doors. I hear the crew calling my name as I slide through the gap in the door. I hear shouting and it takes me a moment to realize that I am falling. No stairs.

The short fall seems to take a lifetime. **EMMA.** Then nothing.


	2. Jonny and his thoughts

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

The infernal noise of the monitor was really beginning to get on his nerves. He could also see that Emma was getting more and more restless. She kept reaching across to the bed on which her motionless mother lay her body filled with a maze of tubes of wires.

_How on earth did she manage_ this? He thought to himself. _At least she was original! She managed to fall out of an aeroplane! Just typical of Jac she likes to be centre of attention._ He was brought away from his thoughts by a nurse entering the room and taking Jac's obs. She smiled at Jonny, but he didn't return it. How could he?

"Hello, my name is Robyn, I will be Jac's nurse, when I am on shift. When I am not Rita will be. OK? I know that Jac is protected by patient confidentiality, but if you have any questions just ask me or Rita and we will do our best to answer. But of course you already know that being a nurse yourself." She smiled again. Jonny felt Emma shift in his arms, he looked down to find her fast asleep but still wriggling slightly. Just like her father, Jac would always say, can't stay still for ten seconds!

"That's a lovely little girl you've got there" The nurse began. "Is she yours and Jac's?" She said softly.

"Yes." Jonny smiled a sad smile. "A right little tinker, well she barely ever cries but when she does you certainly know about it and at six months old she already knows how to pull off her mum's death stare!" He had managed a small joke, but then he was already joking himself. He was pretending, kidding himself that he was only here for Emma. Because she was Emma's mum, but no he was sure of it. Something was re-lit as he saw her leaving, maybe not true and proper love yet but something changed.

"Well I hope you girlfriend gets better soon." And she smiles once more before leaving the room, before Jonny had the chance to correct her, to tell her that Jac was in fact his ex-girlfriend.

With the nurse gone, he turned his attention back to the cheap hospital bed and has a good look at her injuries.

Her head was wrapped in a abundance of slightly grey bandages and her left arm and leg were both plastered after the accident. Her internal organs themselves were in pretty good nick with only minor bruising. Her head was the worst affected. She had lost a lot of blood from the large cut on her head and injury to her brain may have caused a brain injury, although Jonny would not know this until she woke up, if she woke up. All that they could do was wait. This left Jonny a lot of time to think back.

He thought back to the first time he laid eyes on her, at the people skills course, the way the sunlight made her hair glisten and her face look amazingly beautiful. And the look of utter distaste when he had first turned on 'The Maconie Charm' and he dropped her her first complement.

He thought back to the fun times that we had when we were keeping our relationship a secret, he loved it, quick snogs just as they scrubbed out after theatre, or a quick one in the store cupboard when the ward was quiet. Whoever entered that store-cupboard next must have wondered what the heck had happened.

He thought back to the last moments of their relationship when he insulted her. He regretted that. If he had't have done that he would happily be living with Jac and he would not be facing this heartbreak of losing Bonnie.

**Bonnie,** he thought back to the day he lost her. Maybe Jac was right, sort of. He did love Bonnie, but not really . He didn't feel the same love for Bonnie that he felt for Jac STILL. The love he felt for Bonnie was sort of the love you would feel for an old friend and losing her felt just the sam. It was sad heartbreaking, but only because he was losing a good friend, a friend he could relate to and play pool with. He hated watching Jac's sadness as he and Bonnie had become a couple. She had been discreet but he had still seen it, but yet he had done nothing, he could have fixed it with three simple words.

Emma wriggled again and began whimpering, Jonny instantly knew that she was hungry. He absentmindedly got out the bottle of milk he had brought with him and placed it to her mouth. She began guzzling milk hungrily. Her big green eyes staring back at him, gosh she looked like Jac, she had Jac's ginger hair and emerald eyes and face was growing to be the same shape as Jac's. Emma soon finished and nodded off back to sleep and Jonny slipped back into his thoughts.

He thought back to his wedding day when Jac had finally admitted how she felt and he had brushed her off to get one up on her. To get one up her and how she regretted it. Maybe she still loved him, still felt the same as she said she said she did. He had heard it all though, how could a mother say that to her daughter, tell her that she was going to fail as a mother, he had listened attentively, from the small kitchen outside Paula's room, to their conversation. And then he didn't help the situation at all! Why had he done that?

She realised too late that she didn't have to listen to either of them, it was when she was trying to turn back that she had injured her so and this, he realised, was another reason that he felt that he needed to be here. He was responsible for maybe if he hadn't pushed her over the edge she may have brushed off her mothers comments and moved on. So he was a reason that she was lying here motionless and at death's door.

But then again she still left them, what sort of mother could do that. Maybe she didn't love them.

The door clicked open again and Rita entered.

"Change of shift again?" He asked realising how long he had been here without sleep.

"Oh . . . yes, lucky me, night shift . . ." Rita joked half heartedly but still with a solemn look on her face.

"What?" He said noticing her face, it was going to be bad he knew it.

"I'm so sorry Jonny, we don't think that she will make it through the night." Jonny's eyed widened. . .

_**A.N I know that this chapter is quite short but this again is a sort of filler/set the scene chapter, but this took me ages and if I make the chapters shorter the updates will be more frequent. I don't know whether I am ready to kill Jac off or not please review! **_


	3. Sacha and his thoughts

**11:00 am**

Sacha smiled as he entered Jac's hospital room and noticed both Jonny and Emma dosing on the chair next to the bed. He tiptoed over to the chair and gave Jonny a small pat on the shoulder. He blinked slightly and opened his eyes slowly.

"Hey Jonny" Sacha began. "How you holding up, OK I hope? And how is Jac doing?"

"Yes I am fine, sorry must have just nodded of there! And Jac is ... Jac is not doing brilliantly. The nurse came in last night and said that they didn't believe that she was make it through the night. But she did, so I'm not giving up hope!" Jonny said sleepily, peering down to check on Emma who was still snoozing peacefully against his chest.

"No no no, don't worry, tell you what why don't I sit here with Emma, keep an eye on Jac and you going have a sleep in the on-call room?" Sacha queried kindly.

"No, I wouldn't like to be any trouble, I mean I am sure that you would rather spend time with your family."

"Oh no, it really wouldn't be any trouble, I would love to have some time with Jac and my little fairycake and anyway Jac is like my family, she is my sister!" Sacha insisted raising his eyebrows. "So? What do you say?"

"Okay fine." Jonny gave in, in all honesty he was exhausted, he needed just some sleep. "Well all her bottles, nappies, toys and that are in that bag on the hooks. She'll probably sleep for quite a while now, but when she does wake up, she'll be hungry!" He said as he stood up ans slowly passed Emma to Sacha. She whimpered slightly in protest to her nap being interrupted but she didn't wake. Sacha sat down in the chair as Jonny took one last6 look at Emma and her mother a left the room closing the door as quietly as possible behind him.

"Hey Jac, it's me, Sacha, come to see my favourite little sister! How are you?" Sacha paused for a while hopeful that she would suddenly wake and reply but really he knew that she wouldn't reply.

"Hey sis, I've got little Emma here, Jonny has just gone for a little nap, he's really worried about you, so am I. Come on Jac!" He said a few tears slowly slipping down his cheeks. "Emma needs you! Come on she loves you so! And so do I! You are the best friend I have ever had! I know that most people may see you as a bit of an ice queen but I know different, I know that beneath that harsh exterior is a woman who really just wants to be loved, who just wants friendship and I know that deep down you are still in love with Jonny. I saw the disappointment in your eyes when you found out that Jonny and Bonnie were getting married and you thought that you had lost Jonny forever, well now Jac you have the chance to get back with him. All you need to do is wake up and get better! And I know that you can because all you need to do is be strong. And you are the strongest person that I know. Because even after all you have been through you still put on a brave face and you never put yourself first. You always do best by your daughter, well most of the time, and she needs you more than anybody, she needs you. Jac, you need to wake up! We can't leave Jonny to deal with boobs, periods and mood swings on his own! You need to wake up buddy!"

Still Jac did not so much as twitch and her eyelids didn't flutter. She just remained still, the heart rate monitor still beeping in the corner. Sacha removed one arm from around Emma and reached across and picked up Jac's hand.

"Please Jac, please please wake up." He said sadly as he kissed her hand lightly. Then moved Jac's hand across and placed in gently on Emma. He sighed as Jac remained motionless and he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand.

"Stay strong Naylor."

Emma wriggled and began to whimper, so Sacha slowly stood up and picked up Emma's bag off the hook. He thentook out one of the bottles of milk, he smiled as Emma's eyes lit up and she reached out to the bottle of milk opening and clenching her fists.

"You want this Emma?" He joked placing it to her mouth. We want Mummy to wake up don't we? Yes we do!" He asked her in his high pitched baby voice as she guzzled her milk. He watched her drink until she had finished and then pulled out a cloth and placed it over his shoulder and attempted to burp her.

"Forgive me if I am a bit rusty I haven't done this for a couple of year-" he was interrupted by a sound out a small burp. "Seems I still have the nack then! Good girl!" He praised wiping her mouth and bringing Emma back to lie on his legs.

Then there was silence and this gave Sacha a chance to think back.

He thought back to all the fun they used to have as team Jacha on Keller. Mmm those were the good old days, all their little bets and jokes, she won, most of the time. He remembered the time they bet on who could make the nurse Elizabeth laugh first neither of them did well. And he remembered how Jac's judgement had somehow lacked at the end of the day, but he didn't blame her she didn't have much sense of where the line was when it came to fun and games.

He thought back to when her mother had showed up. That was really the first time that anybody had seen her true emotions. He remembered how the look of pure sadness on her face had pretty much broken his heart.

He thought back to how upset he had been when she had quit her job. He remembered the next day and how bored he was, with no bets or fun.

He thought back to the moment that Marie-Claire had answered the phone with a smile on her face and put it back down with a solemn look on her face. He remembered how hard he had tried to keep his emotions at bay and then locked himself in a toilet cubicle and cried for a while, and he wasn't one to show his emotions or let them in to his work place but Jac was his best friend, his little sister and she was currently lying, seriously injured and he couldn't hold it

He placed his head on the back of the chair, suddenly feeling tied out. And before he knew it he and Emma were fast asleep.

* * *

**5:30 pm**

He was woken a while later to shuffling on his lap, he opened his eyes to see Emma staring back at him with a big smile on her face. He gazed across to Jac, hoping, but no but thank the Lord she was still going strong.

He heard the door click and turned around to see Jonny re-entering.

"Feeling better, Jonny?" He asked standing up and passing him Emma.

"Yes much, thank you so much for doing this, no news then?" He asked suddenly curious to what he has missed.

"No, nothing. Right I'll see you mate." He said giving Jonny a small hug being careful not to squish Emma. "Make sure to give me a bell day or night, if you need a hand or there is any news." He assured before leaving, his place was immediately taken by Robyn.

"Hello again how are you holding up?" She asked him making faces at Emma who was lying awake in her fathers arms.

"Oh fine, is there any news?"

"Yes, but its good, now I know you had some bad news last night as it appeared her brain injury was growing but the most recent scan shows that her head injury has not grown any worse so there is no reason why she won't wake up." Jonny eyes widened and turned down to his daughter.

"You hear that baby, mummy is going to wake up!"

_**A.N Please review, I am sorry if the medical bit is not right, I am not a doctor, please review!**_


	4. Finally happiness!

**9:00 am**

Jonny sighed as he finally fell back on his bed after a full three days of taking small naps in the on-call room; and getting virtually no sleep through thinking about what he was going to do if Jac didn't make it. What would he do?

He had just placed a restless Emma into her cot where she smiled and rolled about for a second before promptly nodding off.

"Are you a tired girl baby?" He asked softly placing a kiss on his hand and gently placing it to her cheek. "I don't know how, all you did was sleep at the hospital! Sleep tight baby, daddy loves you more than anything." He rubbed her stomach one last time before quietly exiting the room.

There had been no more news, he had sat at her bedside for hours, expectantly looking up when the door clicked open, but so far it would always be a friend from upstairs come to check on Jac or a nurse to do her obs. And after three days at her bedside he had been ordered to take himself and Emma home for some well needed sleep, and had been granted compassionate leave, with the promise that if there was any news he would be the first to know.

He had plugged his phone in next to his bed and put it on a reasonable volume; high enough so he would hear it, but low enough not to wake Emma as much like her mother she was a very light sleeper and easily woken.

He leant over to check his phone one last time, ensuring that it was plugged in so it didn't run out of battery, before rolling over and joining his daughter in the land of dreams.

* * *

**5:20 pm**

Jonny awoke with a start to loud wails coming from the nursery, he blinked the sleep out of his eyes and rolled over to get a look at the clock, blimey, had he really been asleep for eight hours? He would have to wait until the morning to see Jac now. He sighed and rolled out of bed to tend to his daughter.

* * *

**9:00 am**

Jonny clipped up the straps on Emma's car seat, as he prepared to take her to see her mother. She was now wide awake after a brilliant night's sleep and babbling loudly.

"Mumamummomummuma." He smiled at the sound of her babbling, some of it sounded exactly like 'mumma' and although he knew that she was much too young to speak yet he knew that she was definitely missing he mummy, there were times that she would not settle, even for him, when her wails sounded so like cries of emotion and longing for her mothers touch and smell, it was these times that made Jonny certain that she needed her mother.

The drive to the hospital to him seemed to take for ever, he was anxious to see her and to check that she was alright, although Emma's smiles and gurgling kept him sane throughout the journey.

On his arrival at the hospital, he jogged to her room, ignoring the fact that they said that they would call him with any news. He was still hopeful that he would walk in to her room to see her sat up and chatting to Sacha or Mo.

He placed an eager hand on the door knob and burst into the room, a smile on his face, but the smile soon faded at the sight he was greeted with, Jac was still deep in a coma, her body un-moving.

He sighed and sat down on the chair, that he had become so familiar with.

"Hey Jac, I'm back, Emma too, we're still here! We will never give up hope Jac, so come on wake up, I know that some of those things I said were unforgivable, but I was wrong, you're a great mother, Jac. Emma loves you, she misses you so! She needs you. I.. I. I need you, because even after all that has happened between us I still love you, I was scared to admit that before but no anymore, i love you Jac Naylor and I know you feel the same. So all you need to do is be strong, wake up and we can start again. Come on Jac we fought so hard to get Emma here and she did, she beat the CDH and she is strong but she needs you to be complete, come on you can't give up on her now!" He reasoned raising his voice with the last sentence.

Still nothing, he sighed and shifted in the chair turning his attention to the door, hoping that a nurse may enter with more news. He rested Emma's head on his shoulder. Her head buried in the crook of his neck and rubbed her back soothingly.

"We want Mummy to wake up don't we, we want her to get better!" He whispered to a sleeping Emma. He watched as people passed by the room, families coming to visit their loved ones. Tears pricked at his eyes as he watched a young couple walk by, the woman clutched a baby scan in her hands, she looked so happy. why couldn't he and Jac have had it like that? He so wanted to be there, at every appointment, for every kick and twinge, to support her through every hormone and craving, but he wasn't he had spent his time getting drunk with Bonnie and not where he should have been with Jac and he hated himself for that. If anyone was a bad man it was him, he wasn't there when she needed him, he wasn't there when Emma needed him, he was a bad man back then.

Emma suddenly became restless on his shoulder, her legs pushing against his shoulder and reaching out to the bed again.

"Hey hey baby, calm down Mummy can't give you cuddles at the minute she is in a deep sleep." He soothed still with his attention to the door.

"Jonny?" Came a raspy voice from behind him.

He turned around and almost jumped for joy, her eyes were open,she was awake.

"Jac, your awake! Yes! I knew you would wake up!" He shouted a huge smile plastered on his face. "I'm so so so sorry, I didn't mean those things I said I love you and Emma so so much Jac!"

_**A.N There you go, Jac's awake, sorry it has taken so long, I forgot to say in my last update that I was going on holiday! Anyway please review and tell me what you think, don't be shy, I really love reading them! **_


	5. Happily ever after

**9:43 am**

Jonny smiled at the sight that he was met with as he pushed open the bedroom door, steaming chicken soup in his hand.

After 2 weeks in hospital Jac was finally discharged with the orders that she was to move in to Jonny's flat and let him care for her. Finally after over a year Jac and Jonny were back on track. She had cried when he had told her how he felt for her, but they were tears of happiness. He had kissed her and dried her tears. She had apologized and apologized for leaving them he had reassured her and apologized back and kissed her once again, running his hands through her hair.

Jonny stood at the door silently. His partner was tucked up in bed asleep her arm wrapped protectively over her baby who had somehow joined her in bed. Jonny crept over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Jac's eyes fluttered and she turned over to investigate the cause of the shaking bed. Slowly she sat up taking Emma into her arms and cradling her gently.

"Hey sleepy head, I see Emma has already made an appearance!" He smiled leaning down to kiss her.

"Oh, I'm sorry she was crying and I just thought that-" He smiled and rolled his eyes, taking hold off her shoulders spoke seriously looking into her eyes.

"Okay if you are going to live with me lets get one thing straight, you don't need to apologize for picking her up, you don't have to ask to hold her and you do not have to explain yourself, you made one mistake, but it was what you thought was right to do, you thought that you were doing whats best for Emma. But it was not. But all that matters now is that you realized that and you came back. Well tried to. Before somehow you managed to fall out of an aeroplane." They both smiled at this and Jac kissed him once again being careful not to squish Emma.

"Anyway I have made you lunch madam." He smiled gesturing to the now slightly cold soup. Jac peered over at the bowl and snorted slightly.

"Chicken soup, really?"

"What!?" Jonny said innocently, I thought it might warm up your icy veins my dear!" Jac smiled sarcasticaly.

"No thanks." She argued pushing the bowl away still keeping a firm grip on Emma. "I will make myself something." She rolled her eyes and reached over to her crutches. However she was met by a hand on her chest pushing her back down to the bed.

"No Jac, you have only been home three days and you are meant to be on strict bed rest for at least five days! And you are supposed to let me look after you and do as I say!" He lightly scaled waving his finger at her. "Now, I will take my baby girl and you eat up." Jac flicked her middle finger up at him as he left their bedroom.

* * *

10:00 am

Jonny had just put Emma down for a nap when he walked into the bedroom to see Jac sat up reading a magazine. The now empty bowl of soup sitting on the bedside table.

"Hey, I see you finished your soup. My cooking not so bad after all hey?!"

"Haha I only ate it because I love you a little bit."

"Hmm only a little bit huh?" He questioned jokingly moving his face closer to her, with a large smile on his face.

"Okay, maybe a little more than a little bit." She flirted.

Jonny kissed her lightly before moving away slightly and looking into her eyes. Jac moved foward slowly and kissed him again more passionately running her hands through his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and gently rubbed her back being careful to avoid any injuries. He slowly pulled off her t shirt and she unbuttoned his shirt running her hands along his chest.

Suddenly he stopped "Are you sure that you want to do this?" He asked slightly out of breath.

"I'm sure and anyway I know that you will be gentle."

He completely removed his jeans and she removed her pyjama bottoms allowing him to slip down in to her underwear.

* * *

**3 weeks later. 6:00 pm**

Jonny and Jac were lying cuddled on the sofa watching a film with Emma sleeping peacefully on Jac's chest. Jonny was stroking her head which was layed on his chest, his other arm wrapped around his little family. He glanced down at Jac to see her looking anxious and biting her lip.

Finally after six weeks she had gotten the plaster cast off of her arm and leg, her arm was now completely healed but her legs was pretty badly injured so she still had a smaller bandage and had to use a walking stick the same as she had had used all those years ago when she had fallen off her bike. She currently had it propped up on a pillow at the arm of the sofa.

"Hey, what's with the glum face?" She suddenly shook her head as if he had awoken her from deep thought.

"Oh, nothing." She smiled a small smile at him.

"Oh, come on Jac I know a sad face when I see one!" He joked squeezing her shoulders. "Come on tell uncle Jonny!"

"Um.. OK don't be annoyed, I only just found out the other day, and I didn't think it could even once let alone twice! And-"

"Calm down Jac, you're not making any sense." He told her, looking deep into her emerald eyes.

"I...I... I'm pregnant." She blurted a worried look on her face.

"What?! We are gonna have another baby!" He exclaimed placing his hand to her stomach. "I'm gonna be a dad again?"

"Yes." She smiled as he leaned down and kissed her still with his hand layed on her stomach.

* * *

**7 months later.**

The music started up and the guests raced to their feet as she entered the church. Her hair was curled and hanging loosely beside her shoulders under her vail. A small part was clipped up by a silver hair piece which Jonny's mother had given her. The dress white classic white with a jeweled bodice which hugged her bump.

"Wow" He whispered as he and the whole church stared in ore of her beauty. "Hi, you look beautiful." He said as she reached him stood at the alter.

"Thanks, you look very handsome!" He smiled and it took all his strength not to kiss her right then.

"We are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jonathon James Maconie and Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor.  
Do you Jonathon James Maconie take Jacqueline Naylor to be your lawfully wedded wife, will you honour her, love her and protect her as long as you both shall live."

"I do" He smiled.

"And do you Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor take Jonathon James Maconie to be your lawfully wedded husband will you honour him, love him and protect him as long as you both shall live?"

"I.. I do." She stuttered out, close to tears now.

"Then by the power vested in me it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

They both smiled, Jac by now had tears running down her face. Jonny lifted up her vail and kissed his bride. The many wedding guests cheered and Jonny's hand slipped peacefully to her bump. Perfect.

Happily ever after.

_**A.N Thanks for all the reviewers and followers and even the people who read this in secret! Please read and**_** review.**


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